I feel like writing today. It's probably because it's a nice foggy day outside and I am drinking coffee with amaretto syrup in it. I ran into a slight problem though, because I don't really have anything worth writing about. Oh sure, I have a sinus infection this week, and it's really the whole nine yards--I missed a day of work, am taking antibiotics--just scintillating stuff. But, christmas colored snot isn't really polite blogging material--even if we are approaching the holiday season.

I decided to copy something from my mom's blog. It's a very long list, and I don't expect you to actually read the whole thing (heck, I didn't read the whole thing when my mom did it on her blog), but I really wanted to post it so I would have a good book list next time I'm looking for something good to read.

On a side note--if you don't read the whole list, you will miss out on my fabulously witty commentary. It's up to you. I'm sorry for the many parenthetical comments, but I don't know how to have witty commentary without using parentheses.

The Big Read

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed.
The Rules:
1) Look at the list and put one * by those you have read.
2) Put a % by those you intend to read.
3) Put two ** by the books you LOVE.
4) Put # by the books you HATE.
5) Post.

The List:
1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen**
2. The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien* (they were excellent books, but I have met people who LOVE these books, and, since I am not fluent in Elvish, I cannot be one of them.)
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë** (I have nothing humorous to say here. The Bronte sisters are to melancholy to make fun of.)
4. Harry Potter series - J.K. Rowling** (Is anyone else upset that the next movie is not coming out until July? Anyone? Anyone?)
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee** (Ooh! Book trivia! Why is it a sin to kill a mockingbird? Mom, you are not allowed to answer. You have read this book one hundred times.)
6. The Bible** (If I was allowed to give a book three stars, I would give the Bible three stars. I would also give Harry Potter three stars. I hope that's not sacrilegious.)
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë (I bought this book for a dollar once. I decided not to read it though. I think I gave it to Goodwill.)
8. 1984 - George Orwell (Aahh! Big Brother is reading my blog and he will know I haven't read his book! I actually started it, but I didn't like it so I quit reading it. I don't think you're allowed to hate a book if you didn't finish it.)
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens# (I'm sorry, but I don't like Charles Dickens. Don't stone me; I have read several of his books, and I am allowed to not like him. He was paid by the word, folks, and I have no interest in page long descriptions of plum pudding.)
11. Little Women - Louisa May Alcott* (She has her merits, so I don't hate her, but she really is a little too sugary sweet for my taste.)
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy (This book is about a prostitute! I said "prostitute" on my blog! Heeheehee!)
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare (Seriously? Who has read the COMPLETE works of Shakespeare? That would include all the poems that are NOT sonnets and that play that may or may not have been written by Shakespeare--just in case.)
15. Rebecca - Daphne du Maurier (Wait a second...is THIS the book about the prostitute? Now I'm confused! I obviously have not read Tess of the D'Urbervilles or Rebecca)
16. The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien*
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks (This is actually the prequel to To Kill a Mockingbird.)
18. Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger* (This is a really interesting book, and an excellent example of an unreliable, first-person narrator.)
19. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger (Never heard of this one. You tell me--should it be one of my "intend to read" selections?)
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot (Alas, no, I read Mill on the Floss instead, and I didn't like it, so I never read Middlemarch.)
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell# (I haven't read it, but I saw the movie, folks. No thank you!)
22. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald (I have read plenty of his short stories. Why aren't they on the list? Eh, well, I saw the movie at least.)
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens (This sounds like a light, fun read.)
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy (Even the movie version was too long!)
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams (I haven't read this one, on account of the fact that I'm not a geek.)
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh (The title makes this book sound gory. I'm not sure if I want to read it or not. I should find out what it's about.)
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (The first two chapters were EXCELLENT.)
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck (I haven't read it, but I AM familiar with the Veggie Tales version, so I should be covered.)
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll* (I'm pretty sure I read this when I was little, but Alice in Wonderland is such a psychedelic experience, I'm not sure if I read it or if I just dreamt the whole thing whilst smoking marijuana.)
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame (The cartoons on PBS were my favorite!)
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy (The movie Music from Another Room gave away the ending, so no, I haven't read it.)
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens (Mr. Dickens, please stop hogging the "best books of all time" list.)
33. Chronicles of Narnia- C.S. Lewis** (Okay, I lied. I haven't read all of them. But I loved the two that I did read.)
34. Emma - Jane Austen%
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen**
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis** (This one's a freebie because technically it's here twice.)
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (This might be an "intend to read" but it also might be a little too "modern intellectual" for my taste. I don't know if I can trust a book that they sell at Starbucks.)
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis de Bernières% (I probably would have watched the movie if it wasn't for Nicolas Cage, so you know what? Why not! Let's read the book.)
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden% (Again, the movie is excellent. You know, I'm beginning to think I watch to much tv.)
40. Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne** (Oh wait, I have not read these books. I will love them anyways though. I hold my mother solely responsible for never reading me Winnie the Pooh. I have seen the cartoons though...)
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell*
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown# (I really only hate it on principle for all of the hoopla it caused. I don't like hoopla.)
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins (I have heard that awful song Lady in Red before--are they similar?)
46. Anne of Green Gables - L.M. Montgomery*
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood (Margaret Atwood's books are a little too feminist and weird for my taste.
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding (Zero desire to read this one.)
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan# (I gave it a fair chance, but wow did I hate it.)
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel (This is another one of those "I am intellectual because I am reading this book" books, and I don't like to read those--just to spite everybody.)
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen** (I know people think you're weird if you have read and loved everything by Jane Austen, but I am not weird, it's just nice to know that if I feel like reading a book with a happy ending, Jane Austen will be there for me.)
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth (This is the prequel to "A Good Man is Hard to Find".)
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon (Where did they dig these books up?)
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens# (Ok, ok, it had a good ending. But that was the ONLY thing I liked about it!)
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley#
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon (Somebody needs to learn to write shorter titles...)
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (I am told that the whole thing is very depressing, and that doesn't exactly send me rushing off to the bookstore.)
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck (I haven't read it, but I do know that it was turned into an opera! Does that count for anything?)
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (Somebody called this the "creepiest book they had ever read." I'll read it right after The Secret Diary of a Call Girl.)
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold (Books about death and Heaven are usually really weird, and often sappy too. I don't trust them.)
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas (Books about swordfights are for boys.)
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac (Isn't this the same guy that tried to build that fire? That was a boring short story!)
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy (Poor Jude...he is so obscure probably nobody even wants to read his book!)
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding (I...you'll never guess...yes, that's right...I have only watched the movie.)
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville (Ahh...the book that launched the sentence that launched a thousand cliches.)
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (Ok, Dickens is on here umpteen times, but Shakespeare only gets one listing? Who wrote this stupid list, anyways?)
72. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
73. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
74. Ulysses - James Joyce
75. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath* (That was in my, "Ooh, look at me! I'm reading literature I don't understand!" phase.)
76. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
77. Germinal - Émile Zola (This sounds appropriate for flu season, doesn't it?)
78. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray (I read the first page and then lost interest.)
79. Possession - A.S. Byatt (This book is about 9/10ths of the law.)
80. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens*
81. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell (Cloud atlas? I wouldn't even want to read a real atlas!)
82. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
83. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
84. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert*
85. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
86. Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White** (And for christmas I want the annotated version of Charlotte's Web with all of E.B. White's notes in it! Seriously...I the last lines of this book are some of the best ever.)
87. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom (Whoever wrote this list is relying too heavily on the New York Times Bestseller list.)
88. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
89. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
90. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
91. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
92. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks (That title is giving me nightmares!)
93. Watership Down - Richard Adams
94. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
95. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
96. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
97. Hamlet - William Shakespeare** (Seriously? I am almost to the bottom of the list and I FINALLY see one measly little play on here? Who wrote this list?)
98. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl*
99. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo* (That was my "Look how smart I can be" phase.)

I have no idea how I only ended up with 99 books instead of 100.

Well, on second thought, maybe I won't use this list for ideas next time I'm in Borders. I'm questioning some of the choices, but I haven't read them all, so I won't judge. Anyways, everyone knows these lists are so arbitrary.

But really? Some of the greatest works of literature of all time, like Dante's Divine Comedy or Chaucer's Canterbury Tales weren't on the list. If I were Chaucer or Dante, I'd be protesting in my grave right now!