Working Girl

I only have time to write because I'm waiting on Josh to fix me a hot water bottle. Sitting at a computer all day, then holding a baby all night (not that I mind the second part) is terrible on my back. Do you know, today when I got home from work, I actually heard myself say the following?

"I spend all day at work and it's still not enough to pay the bills, and I never even see half my paycheck because the money is taken out before it gets to me."

Now, I know that phrase was uttered in a low-blood sugar induced fit of passion, but still, when did I turn into Ward Cleaver? And I'm sure if my dear old dad had heard me, he would have either had a heart attack, or he would have been gleefully shouting I told you so's. If working full time has taught me anything, it's that I make a lousy husband. And, if staying at home has taught Josh anything, it's that he makes a pretty poor housewife. Some people say a role reversal helps them appreciate their other half so much more, and I guess in a sense, that's true, but I have a better way to put it: it makes me appreciate and long for my (dare I say "God given"?) role as a wife and mother. I was not cut out to be the financial support for our family. Josh, try as he might, is not cut out to be the family's emotional support, and he knows it.

In times when I find I'm longing for my circumstances to change, I always think of the Trace Adkins song "You're Gonna Miss This" (I could probably make this my life song, the way I struggle with discontentment). Am I ever going to miss working full time? Maybe. I'm sure, that one day--when I am blessed to be able to stay home full time--there will be days when I am covered in spit up, the baby is screaming, and the house is a mess, and I will sinfully start to think "Life was so much easier when I spent all day at the office." I hope I don't ever find myself thinking that way. If God works all things together for good, then here is the good that I hope to gain from my present situation:

I hope, that when I am a full time wife and mother, that I will be able to find joy on even the most difficult of days, because I am the one that gets to be there to wipe the spit up, soothe the tears, and manage the home.

I will appreciate Josh when he gets a job, and honestly (although I should appreciate him the same no matter what) I will probably appreciate him even more when he is working and I am not. Honestly, when I do get to come home, he will probably appreciate me more, too. We both know that we are not wired for this type of role reversal. Walking a mile in Josh's shoes may teach me many things, and I am begrudgingly grateful for that, but that still doesn't change the fact that my shoes fit me better.

And my hot water bottle has been ready for awhile. In fact, I think it's cold now.